So tomorrow is surgery.
I’m feeling very anxious – kind of like before a big presentation, with huge butterflies in your stomach (hopefully it doesn’t last all day – as I’m writing this it’s only 7:30 am). I plan to keep writing all day and post this just before bed – so this is likely to be very disjointed.
First thing, I woke up at 6 this morning and really needed to pee. It was actually kind of nice to have some real time to myself this morning – although the kids are really good at keeping me distracted. I think of the other day and the poop explosion, I definitely wasn’t thinking about cancer or surgery at that time. But getting E this morning was hard, as I lifted her from her crib I realized it was the last time I would do it for a while. It feels like it’s the last time for everything which is sad – things are never going to be the same as I’m going to lose feeling in my boobs so hugging and holding the kids will never feel the same. E is currently playing on the floor after playing with me (and kicking me numerous times in the chest) and we are waiting for M to wake up. That girl LOVES her little blankets and soft things – SO DIFFERENT from M who really couldn’t care less about most toys and never showed any interest in (most) soft things. Although M did have a favorite little stuffed (expensive – it came from France, the only thing in the store my mom felt she could afford) caterpillar. He lets E play with most of his things, but when he sees her with that caterpillar he comes over and snatches it out of her hands announcing mine – which technically is correct but he’d been ignoring it for months. It will be interesting to see how he reacts when E starts moving and gets after his toys more aggressively.
So it’s now almost 11 – the day went by really fast – and I definitely don’t feel ready for tomorrow, but I’ll be glad when it’s done. To say goodbye to my boobs we had the kids, try to, paint on them. I found an on-line recipe for baby paint, unfortunately it didn’t’ turn out very well but M had a lot of fun. We told him that my bobbies were going away because they were bad, so he said goodbye and gave them a kiss. E also feel asleep in my arms after her night bottle – she hasn’t done that in months, so it was really nice.
The injection of the radioactive tracer itself wasn’t hard. I arrived 15 minutes early as instructed and then they were 30 minutes late, so 45 minutes sitting there for a procedure that took about 15 minutes. They inject a combination of tracer, saline and lidocaine in the affected breast near the nipple – it stung going in but I guess the lidocaine kicks in quickly and by the time she removed the needle I didn’t feel anything. I was then put in a SPECT-CT scanner while the technician took photos to ensure the tracer was working. When she was done I waited about 2 minutes while she checked with the doctor to ensure the photos were good and then I was free to go.
I’m not off to try to get some sleep – we have to be at the hospital for 6:15, which is supper early for us, but at least I won’t have time to worry about being hungry.